Crappy Day

I really try to post positive, uplifting things here, but I also think that paints an unrealistic picture of what this journey has been like for me, and anyone else who’s been on this path. The truth is that there are good days and bad days… and every once in a while, you encounter an ugly one. Today was ugly.

It started with my weigh-in this morning, where the scale shows that I’ve inexplicably gained 6 pounds over the last 6 days (about a pound a day). Honestly, there are reasons for the gains that show I’m actually headed in the RIGHT direction (water weight, muscle mass, etc are all headed in a positive direction) but it’s still demoralizing when the goal is measured in pounds. (Don’t measure your goal in pounds, fyi… this is do as I say, not as I do!)

I decided enough was enough… I wanted a DEXA scan (basically a REAL scan, costs about $100, that will actually show you MRI-style where the fat is on your body, and your EXACT body-composition). I had been operating on this theory for a long time that the bathroom scale I use is wildly inaccurate when it comes to body-fat percentage and my numbers have been better than the scale is showing me.

Yeah, $100 later and it turns out I was wrong.. my scale is shockingly accurate. I really am currently 20% body-fat. That fold on my belly that nobody else notices but me that I thought was just extra-skin because there’s no way I could still have that much fat left on me? Yeah, it’s not extra skin.. it’s FAT.  In fact, the body-scan shows my belly is still loaded with it… but the rest of my body is shockingly lean. (stupid genes).   It’s not something I should be super concerned about because when I’m fully clothed, you can’t see it… But that’s not the point! I’ve worked my butt off and I want it GONE! NOW!

So I’m further away from my goal than I thought. I’m tired of eating these crazy low calories needed to lose 2lbs a week. I’m tired of working out all the time. I’m tired of doing all this cardio. I miss pizza. I miss french fries.

So the time comes for my workout tonight. My written plan for Mondays has me running 4 miles to the gym, and then doing a one-hour “Fitness 360” class (basically, upper/lower body strength training with a little cardio mixed in). I honestly couldn’t think of a more horrible way to spend my evening.

I’m telling you… it took every ounce of will-power I had to walk out my front door with my workout clothes on.  I wanted to sit on the couch and watch TV for the rest of the night… BAD. I was just feeling done. Tired. Sick of it. Nobody would care if I stayed home. Melanie would understand (she knew I was having a crappy day, and she would support me either way). I ran almost 7 miles yesterday, I could easily just bank that and skip a day. Easy to justify.

But I knew I’d feel even worse if I skipped it. I knew that I was upset about my progress lately, and sitting on the couch and watching TV wasn’t going to make my numbers any better tomorrow. Results are earned. There are no points and no prizes for people who don’t stick to the plan.  If you sit around waiting to feel motivated, you’ll be fat, like all the other unmotivated people.

So I put on my workout clothes. I ate a banana (I always eat a banana before I run), I took a deep breath, and, in spite of a thousand voices in my head telling me how much I was going to hate it and shouldn’t go….. I walked out the door.

I ran the 4 miles to the gym, and I did my workout when I got there, and by the time it was over, the endorphins were flowing and I felt GREAT… But more importantly, I knew I’d done what I needed to do to EARN the results I wanted. I will wake up happy in the morning, because today I earned a better tomorrow.

Not all of your days are going to be easy. In fact, a lot of them are REALLY rough. But disciplined people don’t care about that. They just do what needs to be done. They stick to the agreement they made with themselves and they grind it out. And you know what? It feels pretty good when you get it right!

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